Raising Annabelle Lee
by xXxThe Phantom's RosexXx
Summary: "Clare wondered how it was possible to feel so much joy, and feel so much sadness at the same time..."
1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note: If I owned Degrassi, there would be a guarantee that Clare and Eli would never again break up, past characters would still make appearances, Snake would be awesome again, and the niners wouldn't be boring brats. Alas…I am sure you have figured, I do not own Degrassi. **

Raising Annabelle Lee

Clare held her baby girl in her arms, and smiled down at the little bundle of joy that was currently nestled sound asleep in the blanket. Clare swore that her baby was just about the most beautiful thing in the entire world, and she couldn't wait for Eli to meet her. She had gone into labor while Eli was at work, and Adam had been the one who had driven her to the hospital and withstood having his hand crushed within hers as the labor pains increased.

"There's a lot of traffic," Adam had reminded her, "Eli will be here as soon as he can."

Clare tried to talk the doctor into holding off until Eli finally made it, but the doctor explained the Clare that babies don't wait for anyone. That baby needed to come out whether Eli was there or not. Adam had looked on in horror as the doctor told him to put on some hospital scrubs to protect the baby from germs, and asked him if he had ever been a part of the "birthing experience" before.

Adam had been a trouper though. He didn't faint or look away. Instead, he let Clare crush his hand as she cried out in pain and frustration. During the whole ordeal, Adam couldn't help but feel a little guilty. He felt as though he was taking away a special moment from his best friend. This wasn't right. Eli was the one that was supposed to be in the delivery room with his wife, not Adam.

"Have you heard from Eli yet?" Clare asked anxiously, taking her eyes off the baby girl for the first time since the doctor placed her in her arms, "Is everything okay?"

"I'm sure it's fine," Adam scooted the chair closer to the hospital bed, "Wow, for two goofy lookin' people, you sure made a pretty beautiful baby."

"Thanks, Adam," Clare rolled her eyes, a smile on her face, "I can't wait for Eli to meet her. He wanted a little girl. He'd never say so out loud – he always said it didn't matter just as long as the baby was healthy – but when we'd go shopping, he'd look at little girl clothes."

"Yeah," Adam nodded, "He's gonna be crazy for this little one." He reached down and gently touched the baby's cheek with the side of his pinkie finger, "Have you two thought of names yet?"

"No," Clare winced, "I suppose we should now, huh? Clare looked down at the small bracelet on the baby's arm, "I suppose Baby Goldsworthy 1 just won't cut it."

A knock at the door interrupted their thoughts. A nurse in pink scrubs walked in, looking troubled.

"Is everything alright?" Clare asked her.

"You…you have a friend in the hall who wants to see you," the nurse said, "I am afraid only two people are allowed in the room at the time…but we can make an exception."

"It's fine," Adam stood up, "I need to take a leak anyway…"

"You…you had better stay," the nurse looked at the two of them, her eyes swimming with sadness, before ducking back out the door.

"What the hell was that all about?" Adam asked, before a second knocking on the door interrupted them yet again.

Ali was standing there, her eyes brimmed red and her nose swollen and splotchy. She had mascara running her down her face, and she looked like an absolute mess. Clare's first thought was, Ali would never be seen like this…unless something awful happened. Then her mind and heart kicked into overdrive.

"Ali? What happened?"

"There…there was a car wreck," Ali's feet slowly moved across the linoleum towards the hospital bed, as if she were walking through sand, "On the highway. Eli…he spun out of control and…and hit a semi. Clare…oh God…"

"No…" Clare's face was as white as the hospital bed's sheets, "Ali…"

"They brought him into the hospital while you were in delivery. They did all they could…but…Clare…oh Clare…I am so sorry!"

"No," Adam stood from the chair, "No! Ali, there must be some mistake!"

"I wish there was," she looked down at the bundle in Clare's arms, "Clare…Eli died while…while you were having your baby."

Clare's face was stained with tears she didn't even notice were falling. Her sobs were silent. She always thought that silent tears were the worst, and they were. There was no stopping them. They were like water being poured from a faucet. She clutched the baby's body tighter to her, and looked at Ali with confusion in her eyes.

Ali sat down on the bed next to Clare, "Clare…I wish I could say something to make this alright…I wish…"

"Are you sure it was him?" Adam asked, still not believing what he was hearing, though his eyes were already swimming with tears, "Are you positive, Ali?"

"Yes, Adam. It was Eli. Eli's…gone."

The nurses and doctors pitter-pattered around Clare's room as if she were a bomb that would explode if they were no absolutely, one-hundred percent careful around her. She never wanted the baby out of her arms, and argued with the doctor when he told her that the baby needed to go to the nursery for the night.

"Can't she stay here?" Clare asked, "Please? You can bring up one of those plastic boxes for her and she can stay here with me."

The doctor looked at Clare as if waiting for her to burst into tears, but no tears came. She had cried herself dry about two hours ago. The doctor nodded, and exited to retrieve one of the baby hospital cradles. Clare looked down at her daughter through sore, dry eyes and kissed the baby on top of the head.

"He'd have adored you, you know," she whispered, "He'd have spoiled you rotten."

"Don't worry," Adam placed a hand on Clare's shoulder, "We all still will."

"I am going to buy you baby couture," Ali smiled, wiping away a tear from her cheek, "And make sure you wear only all the hottest designer labels."

Clare wondered how it was possible to feel so much joy, and feel so much sadness at the same time, "I think I know what I am going to name her," she announced to her friends.

"What?" Adam asked curiously.

"Ali, of course," Ali flipped a strand of hair over her shoulder.

"Psh," Adam scoffed, "What kind of lame-ass name is that?"

"Guys," Clare hushed them, "I am going to name her Annabelle Lee Grace Goldsworthy."

"After Eli's favorite poem," Ali tucked a cinnamon curl behind Clare's ear, "It's beautiful, Clare."

"Thank you. Ali, do you mind giving my mom a call. I really want my mom here."

"No problem," Ali agreed, and headed to the hallway to place the phone call.

"Grace?" Adam raised an eyebrow.

"Yes," Clare met his eyes, and it was as if they were sharing the most intimate of secrets, "Eli would have wanted that."

"Clare…tell me…what can I do?"

"Go home, and get some rest. Take Ali with you. You both have had a long day. Tomorrow, we will figure it out from there."

**A/N: This is just an idea that's been floating around in my head for a long time. I know, it's blasphemy of me to kill off Eli, but I am just curious to see how this story will play out. I will update in a bit after I update some of my other stories. I hope you enjoyed this first chapter, and that you'll stick with me!**


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter Two

"Are you ready?" Adam looked over at the woman in the passenger side of his beige station wagon. She was twisting the simple gold band on her left ring finger, and staring down at her hands. She seemed lost in her thoughts, and Adam almost felt bad for having to pull her back to reality.

"Hmm?" She asked, just realizing that he had said something.

"I asked if you were ready," Adam repeated, pulling the station wagon into the driveway. It thumped over one of the cracks, and Adam remembered how, whenever Eli would drive over it, he'd curse and say that someday he'd fix that. Now he never would. Adam rolled his eyes upward to try and get the tears to go back inside so Clare wouldn't see them.

"I suppose," she turned and looked to the baby carrier in the backseat. Annabelle Lee was still asleep, and Clare didn't really know what to think, or what to feel. She was thrilled about bringing her baby home to the house she and Eli had picked out together and made into a home together. It was the day she had looked forward to even since before she found out she was pregnant. She had always imagined carrying her baby through the door, and Eli waiting on the other side with a video camera, ready to capture each moment.

Adam didn't really know what else to say, so he threw the gear into park, and hopped out to help Clare inside. Her parents would be stopping by that afternoon, and Ali would come by to stay with her that evening. No one really wanted her to be alone right now.

"My parents said that Bullfrog and Cece were going to handle everything for me," Clare said as Adam opened her door for her, "Which makes it a bit easier I suppose. I can't even imagine how they feel right now. I want them to meet Annabelle, but when I talked to Cece yesterday on the phone, she told me they just weren't ready yet."

"Don't think on that too much," Adam held her hand and helped her out of the car, "I am sure they really want to meet her, it's just hard on them right now."

"Yeah," Clare nodded as Adam opened the backseat passenger door. He moved aside and let Clare unfasten the carrier from the seatbelts holding it in place, "Annabelle," she said – her voice barely a whisper, "We are home, sweetie."

Adam shut the door behind her as they made their way up to the front door. It was a sunny July day, and it was hot. Clare could feel the cinnamon curls sticking to her forehead as she waited for Adam to unlock the door. She didn't really know what to expect when the door swung open, but a feeling of loneliness swept over her. This was her home – hers and Eli's home – and now here she was, bringing their baby home…alone. She looked to Adam who was locking the door behind them, and felt grateful. She knew she wasn't really alone, but still, it wasn't the same.

Clare placed the baby carrier on the dining room table, and lifted Annabelle out, "Here is the living room, baby girl," Clare took the blanket off of her baby, and let Annabelle slowly stir herself awake, "Welcome home."

"What do you want me to do?" Adam asked, feeling useless. He knew he had been a big help to her, but he still felt as though he should be doing more. Also, he didn't want to be left alone with his thoughts. He needed something to do to get his mind off of everything. He needed to focus on something other than the death of his best friend, his brother.

"I don't know," Clare answered honestly, "I wasn't expecting it to be like this. Eli…he's supposed to be taking pictures of everything and…and the grandparents are supposed to be here…and it's supposed to be like a huge Welcome Home party."

"I know," Adam felt so sorry for her, "What did your parents have to say yesterday when they visited?"

"Just that they were stunned, and sorry. They were like me – happy about my baby, but at the same time…" she didn't want to continue with that sentence, "They told me they'd be over this afternoon to help me, and they told me Eli's parents were going to get everything squared away concerning all the technical matters. Mom said when she spoke to Cece on the phone, she sounded at a complete loss."

"They loved him very much."

"Everyone did," Clare let a small smile cross her face before the tears glazed her eyes again, "I still can't believe that this is it…that he's really gone. I keep thinking that…that he's just out of town and will be back soon. I keep thinking he's going to call…or that he'll walk through the door…or that he's going to…"

Adam placed a hand on her shoulder, and Clare felt a sense of comfort, "You're such a good friend, Adam. You've always been…to both of us."

Adam shrugged off the compliment, "Let's put this little one in her crib. Do you want me to get you something to eat?"

"I don't feel much like eating," Clare admitted, "I just don't really know what to do. I feel like I'm in a daze right now. Like I'm walking through fog, or a dream."

Adam gently pushed her towards the hallway. Once inside the nursery, Clare shut the blinds to keep some of the light out.

"This is your room, sweetie," she said, "This will be where you'll sleep and play and…" her voice was cracking again. Clare laid her daughter in the crib and turned on the mobile that Eli had installed, "He picked this out," Clare explained to Adam, "He liked the Peter Rabbit characters, and the music it played. He was…he was so excited to meet her, Adam."

"He loved her so much," Adam reached down and ran his finger along the tiny hand, "He told me that he felt as if he felt such a connection with already. He couldn't wait to…to hold her in his arms. He couldn't wait to…"

"He'd have been such a great father," Clare shook her head, "I really wish he could be here."

"Would it be totally cheesy if I told you he's smiling down on us right now?"

"Yes," Clare glanced up at him, "But it's something I needed to hear."

**Author's Note: Thank you guys for your reviews of Chapter One, and I hope y'all liked Chapter Two. It's hard for me to write because I can't even imagine being in that situation. I am glad Adam and Ali are such good friends though, and I am sorry if I made Cece and Bullfrog the "bad guys" but I just think they need some time to come around before meeting Annabelle. Anyways, I hope you enjoyed! I'll try and update too! **


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